Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
