saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
