In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
