I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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