he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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