every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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