bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
