yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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