I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
