I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
