sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
