You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
