mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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