How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
