It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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