No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
