Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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