It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
