i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
