Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
