I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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