He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
