i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
