Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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