he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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