I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize