Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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