Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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