And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
