A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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