Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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