Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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