great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
