you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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