you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sext me about skeletons
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
