I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
