i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
