the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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