Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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