He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
