i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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