Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I love having hate sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
