Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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