just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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