I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
