all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
