So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
