Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
