I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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