Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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