Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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